Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
