They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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