I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
