I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
