fuck your aforementioned shoe
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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