I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
