When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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