You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
