You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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