There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
