I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize