I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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