dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
