If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
