i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
