Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
