I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
