She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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