Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
