How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
