My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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