I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
