Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
