i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
