Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
