apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
