I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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