It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
