Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
