Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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