She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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