I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
