I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
