"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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