i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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