I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
