sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize