im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
