i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
