Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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