If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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