that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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