kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
