i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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