I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
