Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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