if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
