i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
