Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
