I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
