I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You are a genius and a whore.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
