My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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