I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
