How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
