I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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