I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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