Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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