i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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