When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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