It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize