dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
