Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
