just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Randomize
