You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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