Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
