hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
