I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We just shotgunned beers for America
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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