i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this boner is exhausting
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
