So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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