she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
