she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
