She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
