Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
