We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize