So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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