..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
