I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need a beard to bite.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
