Will you blow on my dice?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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