His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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